Everyone is talking about them, but now you can, for a limited time only, acquire a Hansonjourney pet rock of your own! From all corners of this beautiful land, the Hanson children are collecting the finest, most exotic rocks and preparing them for interstate (or, if necessary, international) delivery to your home. These are not pet rocks from those notorious rock quarries and mills recently exposed on “60 Minutes.” Nor have they been rocknapped from our beautiful National Parks. They are fully organic, free-range rocks that have been honed and hewn by the hands of wind, heat, ice, and water. They are tumbling, stranded, or orphaned rocks in search of a loving home.
“Please, could you spare a home?”
All Hansonjourney rocks are hand selected, carefully groomed, fully housebroken, gently socialized (using rock-whispering methods only), tastefully accessorized, and creatively named.
They are then lovingly wrapped and prepared for delivery to anyone who informs us at email@example.com that they have made a tax-deductible donation of $24.99 or more to MGH Diabetes Research (for details, click here. Each unique pet rock comes complete with an extraordinary Hansonjourney Certificate of Authenticity.
“Need a friend?”
Top Ten Reasons Why Hansonjourney Rocks Are Becoming
10. Generate low food, grooming, boarding, and vet bills (and are even tax deductible);
9. Have completed obedience training and unfailingly perform tricks like sitting and staying (and, with some practice, skipping);
8. Don’t bite, chew, chase, bark, barf, shed, sniff, beg, lick, scratch, slobber, dig, jump or soil;
7. Go for walks only when YOU want to: no leash or baggy required;
6. Provide terrific security: Will attack unwanted intruders if so directed;
5. Afford undying companionship and never run away;
4. Enjoy traveling or staying put;
3. Happy to serve as door stop, paperweight, or garden ornament;
2. Create relatively little risk that owner will begin to look like their pet;
And the Number One Reason Why Hansonjourney Rocks Are Becoming America’s Most Popular Pet:
1. Two words: They Rock!
“Bring some Pet Rock Love Home”
This opportunity won’t last long. Get your Hansonjourney pet rock while supplies last. (Please allow several weeks for delivery.)